Felt as if I had caught the clap running around there by secondhand.
Those sentences were succulent, particularly that opening paragraph.
The rhyme pattern whether conscious, or not, followed by the length of each clause force you to step in the story as if one were part of the world, but you just woke up and feel disoriented.
Then comes in the second paragraph to slow the pace. Every bit: a 'stab of voice'.
Works as a spell. Agree with Garatt about your poetry chops being on full display.
I didn’t consciously show my poetry chops (I never say that phrase - I’m so British, haha!) it’s more how I naturally write when I’m in the flow. I just got into the narrator’s voice, or wore their skin as I was writing. Which could be a whole other story that takes a more horrific turn.
This story is as tight as Mama French's Tuck! It's like standing outside a Salon somewhere, dark and dusty, eavesdropping until suddenly the characters exploded through the windows like a bar brawl at midnight. It's a deft hand to write in a colloquial/ historical way without it sounding like you just deep dived Peeky Blinders or <insert historical fiction here> - Stephen Knight spent years researching the language to get it just so, and somehow you tapped into a parallel thesaurus and let it flow. It was just enough to make it real enough to make me believe enough to travel with you. Your poetry chops were on full display, the words bounce and play, giving your narrator a singsong style that is deliciously creepy—excited to see where this takes you.
I responded to your restack - but thank you so much again. And Stephen Knight did a fantastic job, so the comparison is making me very happy - thank you!
Thank you, Patrick! I didn’t set out to write historical fiction per se, but just responded to the prompt words and let it flow. Maybe it doesn’t feel overtly historical, so that’s why it works for you?
Maybe you're right. And who knows when yours was set anyway, it could even be a dystopian future…
I think I need to read more widely in the historical fiction genre, I'm sure there is stuff I'd like. I'm actually listening to a sci-fi historical fiction novel at the moment by Octavia Butler, it's pretty good.
You know what, it feels ME. I can feel myself on the edge of a deep dive into gold mines and one horse towns and looking further into the history of men dressing as women and all kinds of fascinating shenanigans.
Which sounds absolutely delightful to me! Plus, Mama French has more to say, without a doubt.
INCREDIBLE!!! YESSSSSS! This was fantastic!!! I want more. I could never write this damn good. But I would read this if you ever made a novella about this. Loved the fluidity. Poetic. Wonderful pacing. So damn good.
Thank you SO much! Mama French and her fledglings have been building a nest in my brain all day since I wrote about them this morning (it was the first thing I did after making my coffee!). I’ll let them get comfy and see what happens 😊
It was so good. I keep saying good, but I am really just SPEECHLESS. It reminds me of when I went through a Jane Eyre phase before traveling down Sylvia Plath. It's literally all I've wanted to read my whole life. It's incredible. You're a genius. I loved that it fermented with you in the morning. This is the best ever. If you ever print it let me know. Take my money. Writing fluidity of voices like this is an incredible feat btw. I tried it with Birds of Pride. It was very hard to do. Much applause.
And I’ll read Birds of Pride tomorrow (how did I miss that?). I’ve just been catching up on Tom Schecter’s Daughters of Vei serial and I think I’m worded out now! Plus it’s late for me and my bones are tired 😬
Sleep well Zivah, you did incredible work sending lots of love your way. You and Bob are the only ones who have done my prompts :) Birds of Pride is going nowhere, I am thinking of turning it into a series but it will be after the summer because of school.
I might have to print off your comment and stick it in a notebook to see me through the times when the words don’t come (because brains do that, right?). Thank you again. I really wanted you as the prompt maker to like it. I’m so glad you did!
I have to spend an hour or two mastering her voice before I write her. Because I have so many character voices. I have to be careful not to get them humbled. I started on the next part already so that's promising.
This is magnificent!!!! the voice...im back in time. its 1849. I can smell the sawdust and whisky, hear the pianola. The twist. "cunny". The gold mine. Amazing how you got this from the prompts. it's a wonderful story and the voice is an absolute piece of work!!!
I enjoyed writing this so much and it’s anyone’s guess where it came from! I’d only been awake about 10 minutes and it just… arrived.
I’m glad the voice felt right. I’m a little wary of using colloquialisms as they can sometimes interrupt the flow for a reader, so I sprinkle them in, hopefully at just the right measure. My favourite contemporary author is Sarah Waters who writes Tipping the Velvet and many other historical lesbian fiction novels. She manages that balance very well.
excellent.
Thank you!
BTW your words in today's first poem!
https://www.thegateless.org/p/escaping-the-brambles-by-adding-a
Oooh! I’ll read that! Thank you for being inspired!
Woah. 👏😯
I’m glad you enjoyed!
Very much so, sorry I didn’t have more words!
Felt as if I had caught the clap running around there by secondhand.
Those sentences were succulent, particularly that opening paragraph.
The rhyme pattern whether conscious, or not, followed by the length of each clause force you to step in the story as if one were part of the world, but you just woke up and feel disoriented.
Then comes in the second paragraph to slow the pace. Every bit: a 'stab of voice'.
Works as a spell. Agree with Garatt about your poetry chops being on full display.
Thank you so much!
I didn’t consciously show my poetry chops (I never say that phrase - I’m so British, haha!) it’s more how I naturally write when I’m in the flow. I just got into the narrator’s voice, or wore their skin as I was writing. Which could be a whole other story that takes a more horrific turn.
Second skin, anyone?!
hahaha yes, love the second skin horror sequel take
good stuff, fun ride ❤️
This story is as tight as Mama French's Tuck! It's like standing outside a Salon somewhere, dark and dusty, eavesdropping until suddenly the characters exploded through the windows like a bar brawl at midnight. It's a deft hand to write in a colloquial/ historical way without it sounding like you just deep dived Peeky Blinders or <insert historical fiction here> - Stephen Knight spent years researching the language to get it just so, and somehow you tapped into a parallel thesaurus and let it flow. It was just enough to make it real enough to make me believe enough to travel with you. Your poetry chops were on full display, the words bounce and play, giving your narrator a singsong style that is deliciously creepy—excited to see where this takes you.
I responded to your restack - but thank you so much again. And Stephen Knight did a fantastic job, so the comparison is making me very happy - thank you!
You can talk to ghosts, can't you? 😁
This was amazing. I was a bit dizzy at the end, sort of forgot where I was.
I’m glad you enjoyed it! I think it’s a bonus, to forget where you are.
That’s what the ghosts say anyway 👻
I'm with Nancy, this has a lot of potential for a bigger project. It was excellent.
And I'm not normally a fan of historical fiction, but the voice and the characters in this were more than enough to intrigue me.
Thank you, Patrick! I didn’t set out to write historical fiction per se, but just responded to the prompt words and let it flow. Maybe it doesn’t feel overtly historical, so that’s why it works for you?
Either way, I’m very glad you enjoyed it.
Maybe you're right. And who knows when yours was set anyway, it could even be a dystopian future…
I think I need to read more widely in the historical fiction genre, I'm sure there is stuff I'd like. I'm actually listening to a sci-fi historical fiction novel at the moment by Octavia Butler, it's pretty good.
Sci-fi historical fiction sounds great!
Yes, reading within a genre helps develop an enjoyment of it, I’m sure. This might end up in a change in your reading preferences 😊
Excellent story here, Zivah… a whole rich crazy dense world. This tone, this approach is FOR YOU. Is this maybe your best piece ever? I loved it.
I’m grinning my cheeks off here. Thank you!
You know what, it feels ME. I can feel myself on the edge of a deep dive into gold mines and one horse towns and looking further into the history of men dressing as women and all kinds of fascinating shenanigans.
Which sounds absolutely delightful to me! Plus, Mama French has more to say, without a doubt.
Damn. Fuck. All of the curse words. This is amazing! Holy shit.
I adore this ending and this character. I'm greedy, I want more.
I love it when you dig deep into the Swear-O-Matic! Thank you for the cussing 😊
I’m going to have to dig deeper into this crazy world. It would be rude not to!
If you do you can count me as a dedicated reader.
Thank you😊
Zivah! This is just fucking amazing! I can hear the voice clearly. I’m going to be a bit sad if this isn’t turned into a series.
Thank you!!! I’m keen to find out more about these ladies, too. They’re keeping my mind busy 😊
It’s so so good!
INCREDIBLE!!! YESSSSSS! This was fantastic!!! I want more. I could never write this damn good. But I would read this if you ever made a novella about this. Loved the fluidity. Poetic. Wonderful pacing. So damn good.
I agree… this has all the itching of a novel.
Feelin’ scratchy.
Thank you for reading and I’m glad you enjoyed it 😊
Thank you SO much! Mama French and her fledglings have been building a nest in my brain all day since I wrote about them this morning (it was the first thing I did after making my coffee!). I’ll let them get comfy and see what happens 😊
It was so good. I keep saying good, but I am really just SPEECHLESS. It reminds me of when I went through a Jane Eyre phase before traveling down Sylvia Plath. It's literally all I've wanted to read my whole life. It's incredible. You're a genius. I loved that it fermented with you in the morning. This is the best ever. If you ever print it let me know. Take my money. Writing fluidity of voices like this is an incredible feat btw. I tried it with Birds of Pride. It was very hard to do. Much applause.
And I’ll read Birds of Pride tomorrow (how did I miss that?). I’ve just been catching up on Tom Schecter’s Daughters of Vei serial and I think I’m worded out now! Plus it’s late for me and my bones are tired 😬
Sleep well Zivah, you did incredible work sending lots of love your way. You and Bob are the only ones who have done my prompts :) Birds of Pride is going nowhere, I am thinking of turning it into a series but it will be after the summer because of school.
I’m sure more prompt responses will follow!
Birds of Pride into a series would be so cool - I want more!
I might have to print off your comment and stick it in a notebook to see me through the times when the words don’t come (because brains do that, right?). Thank you again. I really wanted you as the prompt maker to like it. I’m so glad you did!
I have to spend an hour or two mastering her voice before I write her. Because I have so many character voices. I have to be careful not to get them humbled. I started on the next part already so that's promising.
This is magnificent!!!! the voice...im back in time. its 1849. I can smell the sawdust and whisky, hear the pianola. The twist. "cunny". The gold mine. Amazing how you got this from the prompts. it's a wonderful story and the voice is an absolute piece of work!!!
I love it. 😎
Thank you 😊
I enjoyed writing this so much and it’s anyone’s guess where it came from! I’d only been awake about 10 minutes and it just… arrived.
I’m glad the voice felt right. I’m a little wary of using colloquialisms as they can sometimes interrupt the flow for a reader, so I sprinkle them in, hopefully at just the right measure. My favourite contemporary author is Sarah Waters who writes Tipping the Velvet and many other historical lesbian fiction novels. She manages that balance very well.